How i feel

I've never been fully inlove before, I've never given my total self to another person.. I've always felt it was safer to stay in my comfort zone and love was always a dream of mine. I loved you Carson, even to this minute I still love you. I knew we were having problems but I thought maybe we could talk and walk through them but it seems you didn't think so... now I can't stop bawling or thinking about you and what could possibly be growing in me. I hope to god there is nothing growing in me, I don't want to hold you back.

I just wanted you to be there for me, I was crying my eyes out and you didn't care. That's all I ever asked from you. I gave you every piece of me and my love and I just wanted you to be there for me. That's all I wanted. This could have all been avoided if you cared for me. But writing this I'm starting to realize I'm the only one who cared, the only one who loved. I hope that isn't true, or id feel even more pathetic than I do now.

I just want you to be happy, I wasn't making that happen (god that hurts to say) I hope you find happiness and love. I'm sorry so sorry I wasn't able to provide that for you.

Maybe one day you'll realize what you had, and come back but for now my love life is going into hibernation mode.

I love you Carson Friese.
Please come back soon.

-Manda

My first bog, hopefully not the last.

So, I've decided that in my crazy hectic life I need some sort of outlet and its come down to starting my own blog. Where to start? I guess ill start with the basics, I'm 21 years old turning 22 in august. I have two jobs that keep me pretty busy (reptile specialist/customer advisor for a pet store and night time stocker for target). I live on my own with a roommate, things are or were going good until my parents and 19 year old brother came and started living in my living room (I have a tiny two bedroom apartment). Needless to say I have a pretty hectic crazy life.

I guess this is a slow begining to what should be an interesting blog. Id write more but I'm exhausted after my 15 hour workfest and its time for me to unwind and sleep.

- manda marie.